Regrets Only

When I was in junior high, I wanted to ask a girl named Ginger to go with me to the school dance. Not only was it the first “boy/ girl” dance of the year, for many of us it was the first “boy/girl” dance of our lives. When I finally worked up the courage to ask Ginger, she responded to my invitation with a, “Maybe.” I didn’t know what to do. I wanted very much to go. Everyone I knew was making plans – whose parents would drive, where they’d go before and after, all the important stuff-- while I, sat with a handful of Ginger’s “Maybe.” I will forever believe she was waiting for a better offer to come her way. Apparently it did not, because she finally called me to say “Yes.” By the time she did, my interest in the dance and her had pretty much evaporated. I remember going and disliking every minute. The experience had a profound effect on me.

Microsoft Outlook has a helpful scheduling feature. It allows meetings to be scheduled and invitations to be automatically sent to people. Those invited have the option of accepting, declining, or tentatively accepting. When someone responds with a “tentative acceptance,” I think of Ginger and assume that person is simply waiting to see if something they deem “more important” than the meeting comes along. I wish people would just say, “NO!”

All this came back to me as I listened to a presentation on Buddhism by Bob Thurman. Thurman is the first American ever to be ordained a Tibetan Monk. He made a passing statement which continues to sing in my ears:

“When visiting a village, Buddha always accepted the first invitation he received.”

It is a remarkable observation -- instructive in its simplicity and profound in its implication. What would life be like if we accepted the first invitation to come our way? What adventures would be ours? How much more fun would the dance be?

That Buddha did so is of no surprise. It makes little sense to allow life to be interrupted by a “tentative” response. An eager “yes” is far more fitting and fulfilling than a hesitant “maybe.” Sure, there is room for reason and care in decision making, but there also space for instinctual response. Waiting for more information, a “better” opportunity, or a higher level of certainty, can spoil a moment of spontaneous opportunity with second thoughts and uncertainty.

Today is a good day to say “Yes,” to the first invitation that comes your way…