Emotional Philotelia

Anger as soon as fed is dead — 'Tis starving makes it fat. Emily Dickinson

In 1896 Sperry Hutchinson Company started S&H Green Stamps. The stamps were the forerunner of frequently flier and other loyalty programs which are so in vogue today. The stamps were issued at participating merchants. We would lick and stick them into savings books and redeemed them for merchandise from the S&H Green Stamp Catalogue. At its peak in the 1960’s, S&H Green Stamps was the largest purchaser of consumer goods in the country. I suspect there was a time when the majority of toasters in America were purchased with S&H Green Stamps. They printed three times more stamps than the US Postal Service. With the advent of computers, stamps morphed into points. But the basic principle remains the same. Save them and cash them in when you have enough.

If we aren’t careful, we can save up emotional stamps and points too. Eric Berne, creator of Transactional Analysis wrote a book years ago called The Games People Play. He pointed out that instead of dealing with an event directly when it happens, we take it, lick it, stick it and add it to our collection of emotional savings stamps. Along the way, we add more stamps. Then one day, when we have had enough, we cash in. Some people save stamps because they are afraid of their anger. Others save them until they have enough evidence to justify their anger. Either way, holding on to negative feelings and resentments can be toxic. Saving stamps can bring an uncalled for and disproportionate emotional response. Our pent-up anger comes flowing forward at unsuspecting targets. It can happen on the job or in relationships. Something annoying happens and the feelings start to fly.

Recognizing anger and appropriately expressing it, as it arises is a more positive approach. It can take some effort, especially for those who lived or live with others who prohibit expression. Our past, however, is no reason to mess up our future. Keeping short accounts and refusing to “save stamps” will lighten the load.